#BUT I'M FUCKING STUCK ONCE AGAIN
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ugh i don't have ideas for like this whole thing i'm trying to write. literally insane.
#unlike people who won't elaborate. unfortunately for you i fucking will#the story i'm working on is original yes#but it's practically an au of my main story#but my MAIN story barely has a plot it's just a wlw romance and like mostly friends to lovers fluff and shit#so i don't even need to organize it. just a few drabbles here and there a scene here yakno#BUT again the one i'm prioritizing is an au#a detective au that's sort of dark/chaotic academia ish whatever#but instead of fluff the two gay protagonists HATE each other#they actually fight and sometimes blood is shed. yeag#BUT I'M FUCKING STUCK ONCE AGAIN#bc i actually need a plot and not just an excuse to put my ocs in Situations 😡🤬#but woagh guess what i don't have no plot#it's been two weeks or some shit#i can't find inspiration i'm crying#and i don't have the time to read up on material like the one i'm trying to make for inspo#idk man
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"Do not worry, they cannot find you if we are together"
REALLY, FREDDY???
ARE YOU SURE???
BECAUSE APPARENTLY CHICA SEEMS TO KNOW EXACTLY WHERE I AM!
LOOK ME IN THE EYES AND TELL ME SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHERE I AM
AND OF COURSE IT WAS HIM WHO JUMPSCARED ME BEFORE I COULD GET OUT!
#she probably glitched or got stuck right next to me but I found it funny lmao#freddy “fucking liar” fazbear attacks once again#fnaf security breach#security breach#fnaf sb#fnaf chica#chica fnaf#glamrock chica#freddy#freddy fazbear#five nights at freddy's#glamrock freddy#freddy jumpscare#fnaf freddy#freddy fnaf#fnaf gameplay#I'm almost done with all the endings and ready to move to the DLC!
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"Talia can never be redeemed and her romance with Bruce can never come back because *falls for Grant Morrison's/DC's extreme racism towards asian and arab characters in the 2000s/2010s"
Yeah, sorry, but shut the hell up. It never fails to astound me when DC actually tries to fix the mistakes they made with Talia/the al Ghuls in general these last two decades and the fans manage to be even worse than DC by clinging to the blatant racist/sexist writing of the past instead of embracing the turn for the better.
"But she did this and that!"
She's a fictional character in a fictional universe that is aware that it goes through continuity changes/retcons. What Grant Morrison did to her character was a a complete retcon of her 30 year history and characterization with zero respect for her. Why am I supposed to take Morrison's bullshit as gospel and reject any attempts to fix her from writers who know better?
#talia al ghul#fuck grant morrison#I'm fine btw#Just not really keeping up with comics right now#It's just that not a lot of interesting stuff is going on#because apparently the DC comics fandom is forever stuck in the 2000s#And the things that annoy me...well its more or less always the same#I'm not sure if there is much new to say#The main Batman book somehow manages to be one of the worst Batman books#Once again the writer is a Tim fan who doesn't even try to be subtle about their favoritism#and fans will bring up crap from Morrison's run to justify their terrible takes even almost 20 years later#Seriously how the hell do people still manage to write edgy fanfictions about “Dick firing Tim as Robin and trying to sent him to Arkham”#Which isn't even what happened at all#Over 15 years later?#Is there really nothing else to write about???
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"Wait, if I give you ten will you lie to Dirk and act like you bought it? We’ve got a long running thing to see how many people we can get to believe us."
#AndyArts#Bambi Draws#2024#Homestuck#Undaverse#Your Words Destroyed My Planet#Sollux Captor#Lil Hal#Hal Strider#If i weren't lazy i would just.. redraw Hal in that 3rd panel bc why does he look so fucked up (i know why; I hadn't slept yet lmao)#anyway my once in a blue moon need to draw anything HS related struck again-#if the damn glowing rats would let me go for a moment i would get back to it more but mmm it seems i'm stuck in that ditch smh
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how am i supposed to be a friend when i know i'm boring
#i don't want to be friends only bc of what i can do but i don't know any other way#man#that's sad as shit#i just don't think ''being friends bc of who you are'' is a thing that can happen to me#like to be completely honest. who the fuck would want to talk to me when i'm just boring#''oh i made this :3'' ok yea whatever man that's what you always do#they say crying helps sometimes. sure hope it's true i'm balling my eyes#wish i could just disconnect from everything. maybe it's bc i want to hurt myself but i don't want to talk to anyone#i don't want to talk to my (i guess) friends with all of this hanging over me#how can i talk to them when it feels like i'm yet again the one people don't Choose to talk to. i'm never the one getting chosen#i'm just the guy that happens to be there when noone else is around. no going out of their way to talk to me bc why would they#my head hurt my heart aches i feel like trash and i'm tired#stuck in the ducking circle of hate. can't even go to sleep bc i'm not tired yet#i'm getting too old for this#can't even trust people that want to talk to me after i post this bc what if they did only bc they saw this. wouldn't be genuine once again#@the human feeling of searching for connection: middle finger emoji#back to the viddy game grind to take my mind off this i guess#i'll be fine by tomorrow dw. i've been dealing with this since i was 6 years old. decades of experience 💪
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#vent post#ok to rb without screenshotting the tags but idk why you'd do that anyways#I'm once again wishing every fellow adult living with their parents a very 'I'm sorry o7'#mom's getting on my case about 'not wanting to be part of the family'#but if dinners are always silent and uncomfortable with all of us not talking then I think it's normal for me to leave the table#when I'm done eating. it's not 'not wanting to be part of the family' it's just not wanting to be somewhere awkward as hell lmfao#like oh okay sorry let me sit here for another fifteen minutes silently bc y'all ignore every conversation I try to start. jesus christ.#goddddddddddddddddddd fuck the housing market lmao#I love my family but I'd like them a hell of a lot more if I didn't live here#a little distance does wonders#anywaysssss sending love to everyone else who is perpetually stuck at home. esp oldest siblings and ill folk 🤝#we'll get out eventually#no more silent dinners and people who find your optimism and attempts to lighten the mood to be juvenile#stay miserable and pragmatic and 'realist'. no joy or whimsy. fucking whatever. I'm not sinking down to cynicism.#what's the opposite of being the moody black sheep of the family lmao. I'm the only one who seems to enjoy being unserious#ok. vent over but fr anyone else stuck at home when they don't want to be: i love you and we'll figure it out in time. things WILL work out#delete later???
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i want to make an old friends senior dog sanctuary but for old timey books. it's sad when we get big donations of old books here bc someone thought of us (!!!) but our collection is so small and narrowly focused that we have to try to find other homes for them (the donors are aware of this, don't worry), and what i really want is a big big book museum the size of like the bodleian or something even bigger to keep them all in
they're lovely! they're neat! and someone out there will certainly, at one point, be interested in the historical perspective they provide! makes me think i should have just toughed it out in the archives gauntlet with the bad professor and got my certs!
#//juri speaks#juri's adventures in librarianship#I AM ONCE AGAIN LAMENTING THE LACK OF BOOK CONSERVATOR PROGRAMS IN MY AREA#bc man i see an old book i *smell* an old book and my soul lights the fuck up#but i don't know how to get into the realm they're in! i'm stuck outside the dimensional membrane of archives and conservation
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I am going to finish this fucking fic even if it's the last thing I do I swear to god I'm going to fucking do it this time
#ramblings#guess who's feeling driven to write and is attempting to write the childhood passion project that never got to see the light of day again#i'm going to do it i swear to fucking god this is gonna be it this is gonna be the one#i promise i'm not fucking around this time it is GOING to happen i AM gonna do it and i'm NOT gonna get stuck halfway again#project: new moon (previously sonic eclipse) is GOING to happen i FUCKING SWEAR#MY OCS AND MY AU WILL GET THEIR STORY. I WILL GET THIS FUCKING PLOT OUT OF MY HEAD ONCE AND FOR ALL
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The awesome thing about college is that being there is miserable, and not being there is worse.
Nifty!
#I might be going back to college in September and man. I might just quit lmao#I did engineering courses before and that was genuinely the worst over ever felt in my life#I would genuinely have panic attacks and leave every day#But I couldn't just leave the course because I'd feel like a failure#Which didn't matter anyway cause I failed the course lmao#My new course is business shit and I feel like I'm gonna get stuck in a course I hate again#Technically I was good at business. But that was only because it was continues assessment and my teacher wasn't that good.#Fuck dude#Vent#Yeah this is a vent post if you hadn't figured that out#I just had an interview there and apparently my course has an online class once a week#I might quit for that alone cause I can't fucking stand those#But also I don't wanna work at dunnes for 20 years and then die#But also also I can't work part time and go to college so that means no money#Yeah fuck this lmao#Delete later#Fuck it I've got a drawing tablet now. I'm becoming a full time inflation artist or something. I hear that's good money#Thinking about it more I already struggle with self worth or whatever#And I fucking hate annoying businesses bros so becoming one might make me actively hate myself
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i didn't think jacob would be arguing with olivia, wanting it almost as much as her. what the hell. i expected the self defeated, taking one for the team attitude but actively needing it like her? when he had been trying to stop her all night? i feel like i've been blasted by a buckshot
#digi discusses#the world needs more jacobs and i just took him out of it#did he go back to being a kid again? to see the lights of possibility again?#to feel like he's doing something exciting and worthwhile again not by making art but by being “freed” by maggie's knowledge once more?#or did he. choose another timeline entirely? augh i'm gonna have to watch the ending back again...where did he go...#maggie would be turning in her graaaaaave to know he chose this. she would hate that for him she would h a t e it#the anna parallels. stuck between time only able to hear him on radios if you are lucky. fuck off#becoming an urban legend...i think he would have liked that. immortalized just like he wanted. ugh wait did riley do that for him#but the details getting lost his name becoming warped over time? i think riley (and i) would feel it was almost disrespectful to his memory#the fact he puts meeting riley on the same pedestal as saving camena. god god god god. even when they aren't friends they are.#riley talking to athena like a person like he did. i am MISERABLE#its the dys exocolonist thing all over again. he's happy and that's...good. but he could have been just as happy if he'd stayed too#every single time i think about the hug i'm going to cry#every single ending has done this to me there is literally no winning#being kinda mean to him was bad enough but this ending just feels! it feels like riley. like i. drove him to.#girl i need to log off bye#oxenfree II spoilers#yeah there's the essay. just took a minute#i will make another one about hurt healed olivia in a bit too because that. made me sob. that one hit really...close to home#he says when he was a teenager he would have fallen for it if someone told him he could open a portal in the sky and make things better#what a liar he would still do it now#EDIT: NO i knew it he says almost exactly what nona says after you hug her when you hug him. the orange-associated characters strike again
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#Once it stuck in my head ages ago that a lot of the shit is the way it is partly because of racism and more specifically antiblackness#a lot of things really don't seem surprising anymore#it's one of those things that's like 'oh good it's being talked about' while>>>#<<<< also being tired that it has to come out of a nonblack mouth to be talked about#like okay I'm glad but also I'm just tired cos it's been said before (yes on this website)#but it took nearly a fucking decade to be REALLY talked about (again) so like ¯\_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_/¯
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No need to apologize, a sudden essay was truly all I ever wanted 🥹 it does align quite perfectly doesn’t it? I mean sometimes it’s all about “reading between the lines” as Lestat once said, specially when it comes to characters who are not Lestat himself/the people closest to him at any given time or POV characters, and this is one of those instances where we’re given just enough to do that imo, it’s all there in the timelines like you said. “It just won't change the fact that he had a second chance to do it right this time with Daniel where he had failed before, to not be a blunt object seeking practical solutions and prove he can in fact take care of people without destroying them”, god this is so true, and I think it also ties back to him being a “failed experiment” in his maker’s eyes, and how he’d been conditioned in his mind (by fate, by circumstance) to repeat that pattern. Armand’s sense of identity in regards to who he is to Daniel is a huge thing too and I’ve always HC that at some point during their difficult years and then in their years apart, he probably rationalized it as him only being fit to be his lover but not his teacher in the blood (which of course represented yet another unforgivable failure).
“He's trying so hard in the modern age to make caregiver be a huge part of him and to be seen as someone who keeps his children safe and even if Daniel was safe at the time, I can't help but think it would bother him that his own firstborn had to be cared for by someone else and that maybe Lestat would be the only person he would really admit this to because he would be the one to understand it.” Yes! Reminds me of that great post by @monstersinthecosmos I think(!) that had me nodding along from start to finish where they mentioned (and I’m only paraphrasing lmao) how Trinity Gate, despite having being conceived as a safe place where people could all heal and come together as a family, also ends up being a place where Armand has to live up to a lot of expectations (the caretaker, the teacher, the protector), like he had to in the cult, and then the theater. And not only that but it would also serve as a constant reminder of how when it had mattered the most, with his own fledging, he was not able to do it. Lestat would totally understand Armand and never judge him for it, he’s “failed” in similar ways before and plays a similar role to Armand’s in the present (the only difference I think is the scale, Lestat has made more fledglings than one can count and Armand only has Daniel to dump all of his trauma on, bless) xoxo DA still sad asf but your meta is like chicken soup for the soul ❤️🩹
Absolutely all of this!! Lestat is not omnicient, even if sometimes it feels like he is and you have to remember you're a person removed from his stories.
Oooh yeah actually that is an excellent point, it makes it a little bit worse that it's Marius that takes care of Daniel and the whole idea of maybe Daniel would be considered a failed fledgling from Armand adds to the idea of him being a failed experiment himself. It's a generational trauma thing too, I think this is something Daniel is terrified of being seen as something Armand regrets and sees as a failure, but Armand trying to figure out who he is to people is such a big pattern in all of his identites and part of it definitely feels like it stems from feeling like he can't measure up to his previous self in the eyes of his own maker. Like he couldn't even get something that any back alley vampire made on a whim can do properly, that is a spiral waiting to happen even if it's not true.
Absolutely 100% agree that Armand could rationalise it that way, he does tend to seperate his identities and roles as a coping mechanism but I also think it's just another nail in the coffin of feeling like this is his failure. It would have been compounded by living with the day to day of Daniel when he was at his worst and probably wound have caused a knock on spiral which wouldn't have been fair to either of them, but it doesn't make it easier.
Trinity Gate, despite having being conceived as a safe place where people could all heal and come together as a family, also ends up being a place where Armand has to live up to a lot of expectations (the caretaker, the teacher, the protector), like he had to in the cult, and then the theater. And not only that but it would also serve as a constant reminder of how when it had mattered the most, with his own fledging, he was not able to do it.
This just punches me in the gut every time. I hadn't really thought about it in this context but you're right, the scale of it with Lestat and Armand being seen as community leaders in their own right really does echo each other and puts so much pressure on both of them to be more than themselves. They are roles and figureheads but that doesn't leave them with much space to explore their own traumas and identities in detail. Even in their own homes, it's not really about them.
Someone really needs to make a therapist for these folks, they really need to learn some ways to process what they're going through that isn't running away (Lestat) or trying to wear his reputation like armour to protect not only himself but his children (Armand). I think if you sat down and really interrogated why Armand feels the need to protect his own people so intensely, he's been losing them since he was a child and losing himself over and over at the same time and it's why I think it would bother him to have someone else do that for his child. It's become a part of how he sees himself so it shakes his very sense of identity and it wouldbe a fascinating thing to explore one day.
Thank you for soming in and letting me think about this stuff, I appreciate getting the chance to really look at it in detail!
#da anon#and now i'm sad again#i think it's part of the reason that once they're all at court i like to think of lestat running back to tg for weeks on end#it's a chance to just be him for a while and Prince Lestat and Armand's house is now quieter than it was#and Armand is slowly learning to let his guard down and be himself and access his emotions#I think it's why you see more of his outbursts in later books he's starting to really feel his feelings#and there's a lot of them#dealing with that and dealing with a child struggling to exist on their own would have been too much#at least at first#and i think armand knows that but can't help but get stuck in a cycle of failure spiral#he's still so young#but he feels so old and tired#bedpile to the rescue they're going to take a goddamn vacation and the world can fuck off for a bit#vc#answered
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i watched the JRA collab episode like 3 times to get this frame in good quality and i can't find it....... this is actually driving me insane
#i need it in 1080p COME ON!!!!!!#once again stuck with crunchy background atsushis. tch#why does he stand like that. fuck you#why does he look smug hes literally just waiting to go to the bathroom. BE NORMAL#if its there i don't want to look for it anymore i can't handle another horse dick joke i'm at my limit#text
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hmm
#we're coming up on three straight weeks of spontaneous nerve pain my friends#doctors dont know whats wrong & all i can say is thank fuck i've got a real person job with benefits & live in a country w/ free healthcare#i dont even know how to explain it. i've been on meds helping the pain finally.#and only noticed they were working once they wore off and it legitimately felt like i was dying again. i hope you never know this pain#my bodys exhausted i'm exhausted even though the pain is being managed. my body is still firing all the nerves i just cant feel it anymore#i sit in bed all day and cant focus cant think cant type accurately. holding my phone hurts. but im so exhausted. i shouldnt be but i am#it occurred to me the other day that. this might not just stop. its been almost 3 weeks theres no reason to think itll just stop#and thats fucking scary. im 2* and i know age isnt correlated with health but. i shouldnt be. i dont know. im young & healthy & so confused#i just want to know whats wrong. i just want the pain to stop. the sensations to stop.#im stuck at home because thats where i should be with ease of emergency rooms but. my family is driving me crazy#half of my dad thinks im faking it (which my brain keeps latching onto bc it tries to tell me i'm fine when i#am so clearly not fine.)#char speaks
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#do i just have to live like this until i'm old enough for menopause?#i fucking hate this#days of pain and weakness and for what??????????#stuck in bed once again i fucking hate hate hate this
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it’s been a hellish last couple months dealing with being caught in the crossfire between incompetent rental car agency that is mad at me and incompetent car insurance company that didn’t tell me the person handling my claim fucking QUIT and MY CLAIM WENT FORGOTTEN FOR MONTHS and it still isn’t resolved in fact things have gotten worse and tbh, when i have major stressful setbacks in life, my body and brains’ response is to just. not. do anything. just shut down. intense fatigue, inability to focus on literally anything because the background level of stress is so high.
#bro im gonna cry#fucking got blacklisted from one of the largest rental car companies in this country and it is apparently#impossible to get off the 'do not rent' list#whats making me more upset is that i literally called them the day the windshield cracked i got things sorted out before i even dropped the#car off and still shit is so far out of my control and now i'm stuck with all these repercussions that shouldn't have happened if my#insurance that i pay a hell of a lot of money for wasn't so incompetent#bro apparently even my ROOMMATES can get blacklisted for sharing an address with me#worse yet payment has been sent out but the company is still going 'fuck you pay me killyourself never talk to us again once u pay this'#i can't get ahold of the DRU person in charge of my claim on their end to find out what happens#so it might end up going to collections anyway which will perma fuck up my credit score which i've been trying. so hard. to raise.#being an adult is a fucking nightmare i want to sleep i can't focus for longer than 5 minutes on anything before i start getting that dread#its so frustrating i can't enjoy my hobbies i can't enjoy my work (which is going well right now) bc i'm so stuck on this i need this to go#away so i can regain my brain's normal functioning and yes i have anxiety this is the worst it's been in a while though#anyway sry for the venting i'll be fine it'll be fine my insurance WILL pay for this and things will be fine (probably) once that goes thru#not that it didn't add to my stress enough that my bp probably took another year off my life lbr#personal stuff#delete later i think#DO NOT rent a car without taking the damage waiver it doesn't matter how much it costs or if you have insurance just take the damage waiver#don't be me
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